Calming Strategies That Actually Work

Body before words

When a child is dysregulated, their thinking brain is offline. Talking about feelings, asking questions, even gentle reasoning — none of it lands.

Help the body first. Once the nervous system has settled, the conversation comes naturally.

What to try, in order

• Deep pressure — bear hug, weighted blanket, lap pad, a tight squeeze through the limbs.
• Slow rhythmic movement — rocking, slow swing, slow walking together.
• Heavy work — push the wall, carry a heavy book, pull the laundry basket.
• Cold or sour — cold water, an ice cube, a sour candy. Wakes up the system gently.
• Co-regulation — sit nearby quietly, breathing slowly. Your nervous system tells theirs how to settle.
• Sensory jar / glitter bottle — a watching activity that demands very little.

What to skip

Skip these in the storm — save them for after, when everyone's settled:

• Lengthy explanations of why the feeling isn't reasonable.
• Counting to three or threats — these add stress to an overloaded system.
• Distractions like screens — they often delay the regulation rather than support it.